Sarah Reilly - International Women’s Day

For International Women’s Day this year, I reached out to a handful of women I deeply respect.

This is in no way a “top list.” I know so many extraordinary women - and there are countless more I don’t yet know.

These women come from different industries, backgrounds, and seasons of life. Coaches. Writers. Leaders. Career women. Creatives.

I asked them a few powerful questions about leadership, success, unlearning, and becoming.

And today, I want to introduce you to Sarah Reilly.

If you asked her at dinner what she does, she might say something like:

“I reprogram brains. And now I do it through wardrobes.”

After nine years coaching in the reprogramming space - literally changing brains so people can do things they never thought possible and get results they never thought realistic - she recently pivoted into styling and wardrobe psychology.

But this wasn’t random.

“The connection I've made over the last 9 years of working with brains and being obsessed with wardrobes is that the biggest thing stopping people from having a closet that serves and inspires them is their inability to access and defend their own authentic opinion.”

Read that again.

Not a lack of taste.

Not a lack of skill.

An inability to defend your own authentic opinion.

That’s nervous system work.

And it honestly made my own jaw drop.

CNS safety. Reparenting. Shadow work. Mobility. Self-trust.

And in her words, that makes her “an absolute weapon in a wardrobe made up of masks, obligations, frustration, and disappointment.”

There’s something about that I love.

Because Sarah (other Sarah) doesn’t do surface-level anything.

When I asked what she’s had to unlearn, she didn’t give a polished answer.

She said she had to unlearn that other people’s emotions or perceptions were hers to control.

She grew up in poverty, around emotionally underdeveloped adults with substance abuse issues and mental illness. Her default setting became management, coordination, contortion - at the expense of her own needs, comfort, and wellbeing.

And if you know Sarah the way I do, you know she has always been ruthless - in the best way - about dismantling that.

She’s honestly a beast.

Relentless about excavating what’s underneath. Not performatively. Not for applause. But because she genuinely wants to be free.

And she wants the same for all of us.

When I asked where she’s currently stretching, she said something that made me smile:

“The fastest way to find unaddressed wounding is to start a relationship or a business.”

Pivoting into style psychology has surfaced old compensations. And instead of resisting that, she’s excited.

“There’s nothing more useful than discovering how much of your day was spent making up for things you no longer need to hold shame or tension around.”

That is not a woman afraid of her own shadow.

And then I asked what success feels like in her body.

This answer might be my favorite:

“It feels ironically like irresponsibility (!! My theme word for the year)… because if you're used to doing everything that ‘needs’ to be done, then stepping back from obligation and the false goodness of contrived responsibility is a bit exhilarating.”

Success, for her, feels like self-parenting strong enough to hold mischief. Naughtiness. Recalcitrance. Targeted desire - without thinking she’s going to be in trouble.

There’s something deliciously subversive about that.

When I asked what she wishes more women believed, she didn’t hesitate:

“You don’t need anyone else to understand your decisions.”

You don’t need to be understood to be loved.

They don’t need to agree to support you.

And I’ll leave you with her full answer to this:

“I am a woman who will drop the joke in, even at a funeral. It's not that I don't think life is sacred; it's that I don't believe sacred means quiet or repressed.”

You can find Sarah Reilly at sarahreillycoaching — website, Instagram, Substack.

There are so many extraordinary women in my world — and so many more beyond it — who aren’t represented in this small series.

Consider this a celebration of them, too.

And in Sarah’s words:

Sacred doesn’t have to mean quiet.